XMen Evolution 6: Eine Kleine Streich Musik
by TicTactful
Summary: Kurt's on another practical joke rampage in the XMansion. Or is he?


Eine Kleine Streich Musik

Author's Notes: This is just a little piece I put together, for my amusement and hopefully yours too. Kurt is the main character this time. 

"Eine Kleine Streich Musik" 

  


It was a normal enough Saturday morning at the X-Mansion. Most of the students were sitting around the dining room table, consuming a late breakfast. Kitty made the unfortunate mistake of trying to add sugar to her bowl of Cheerios. One bite and … 

"_Ptoeey!_ Kurt, you hairy little-" 

"Was, Kitty?" he asked innocently, looking up from the Saturday comics. 

She seethed. "Kurt, there appears to be salt in my breakfast cereal." 

"You do have interesting tastes, Kitty. Is it a 'girl thing', or are all freshmen this veird?" 

"There is salt in my cereal, Kurt, because you filled the sugar bowl with it." 

He grinned at her. "Now vhy would I do a thing like that?" 

"Mebbe because ye're a muckle sumph?" suggested Rahne from the far end of the table as she flipped a page in Psalms. 

Kurt clutched his heart. "Ach, ladies, you have vounded me to the core. How can I help being the greatest practical joker of all time?" 

Rogue sighed and got up from her seat. "All right, y'all, Ah'm tired of listenin' ta yore bickerin'. Ah'm goin' ta get cleaned up." 

"A claim the bathroom after Rogue!" said Rahne. Kitty groaned and went to go get some more cereal. 

  


"GAAAAHHH!" 

Kurt, Rahne, and Kitty glanced at each other at the cry. "What on …?" They ran upstairs to find Rogue gagging and spitting violently into the bathroom sink. "Rogue - are ye all right?" 

When she could finally speak, Rogue seized the tube of toothpaste and shook it in Kurt's face. "Shavin' cream in mah toothpaste tube, Kurt? That's just frickin' hilarious, ain't it?" 

"But …" Kurt's eyes were wide. "I did not do it!" 

"Yeah, right." Kitty took Rogue's elbow. "Come on, you can borrow my toothpaste." Rahne followed them down the hallway, shaking her head disapprovingly. 

Kurt would have followed them to protest further, but Logan was coming the other way with a plunger in his hand. Kurt teleported closer to him. "Vhat are you doing, Logan? Did my fur clog the shower drain again? I-" 

Logan thumped him in the chest with the business end of the plunger. "Don't play dumb with me, Elf." He snorted. "Three cartons of my best cigs down the crapper and he's playin' games!" 

"But I didn't--!" 

Logan swatted him again. "Git outta here before I start usin' something worse'n a plunger on ya." 

Kurt teleported into the safety of his room. _Vhat is going on?_ he wondered. _Someone is clearly trying to outprank the great Kurt Wagner. Perhaps I'd best lie low until this little game is over._

But he had no such luck. When he was walking back up to his room after watching his favorite Marx Brothers film, Ororo burst out of her room, wearing only her bathrobe. Her long hair was soaking wet … and bright green. 

Instantly she spotted Kurt. "You!" She flung the shampoo bottle in her hand at him. "Little imp! It will not even wash out!" She turned back into her room and slammed the door before he could react. 

Rogue and Rahne came up behind him. "Kurt," said Rahne wearily, "dinnae ye ken when tae quit?" 

"Seriously, Kurt, messing with the teachers? You're gonna get in some real trouble soon." 

The two girls stalked away. Kurt sighed. _They are right - I am going to get punished without the satisfaction of doing something punishable! But, hey - good and bad things both come in threes. Maybe it's over._

  


It looked as if he might be right, as Sunday morning passed without incident. But in the afternoon, a shout sounded from the Danger Room. Kurt and Scott, both of whom happened to be nearby, raced to see what was wrong. Evan was sitting on the floor, both hands on his head. His skateboard was nearby, rear wheels spinning in the air. The front wheels … 

Evan picked one of them off the floor and glared at Kurt over it. "Loosening the wheels on my board? Real cool, man. I could've broken my neck!" 

Scott's frown was easily visible despite his glasses. "Kurt, you're taking this joke war thing way too far. Knock it off before someone gets hurt." He helped Evan limp toward the door. 

"But I vould never-" 

The door crashed shut, and Kurt was left alone with the spinning skateboard wheels. _This is just great. Either I get the blame - or I get nailed by a stupid joke. Or, better yet - both!_

  


Evan still wasn't speaking to Kurt by dinnertime. An unusual quiet hung over the entire table. The dishes were passed around, prayers were mumbled by anyone who cared to mumble them, and the students and teachers dug in happily … until … 

"Ugh!" Scott began to choke on a mouthful of food. He spit it into his napkin and continued to sputter until Jean hurriedly snatched the carafe of water with a telepathic hand and poured him a glass. 

He drank it gratefully, then dragged the back of his hand across his mouth. "Very funny, Wagner. What'd you put on my plate, rat poison? Is this because of what I said to you about Evan earlier?" 

"No! I did not even-" 

"Enough!" Professor Xavier rapped the table. "I have heard a great deal about your 'jokes', Kurt. You may go to your room without supper." 

"Professor, I-" 

"He said GO!" thundered Logan. Kurt went. 

  


Kurt remained, sulking, in his room for a long time. Then, around nine o'clock, Kitty knocked on the door. "The professor wants you," she told him, in a tone that said he should have expected as much. 

"Vhat? Is he going to let me have some dinner after all? Did you find the real culprit?" 

She rolled her eyes. "Ha ha, Kurt. You'd better hurry before he gets _really_ mad." 

Alarmed by the sincerity in her voice, Kurt teleported straight to the professor's office. Inside, he found Xavier rubbing his shiny pate with a damp cloth. To Kurt's horror, he realized someone had drawn a huge smiley face on top of the professor's bald head, apparently in indelible ink. He swallowed hard. "Professor, I did not-" 

"-think you would be caught?" Xavier set aside the cloth, his dark eyes glinting with anger and disappointment. "I expected more from you, Kurt. I let down my telepathic defenses for one short nap and-" He gestured angrily at the cloth. "Consider yourself grounded for the next two weeks." 

"But-" 

"No buts! Go to your room and think about what you've done." 

Kurt did as he was told, not daring to further incur the Professor's wrath. 

  


The next day at school, Kurt hoped the mad prankster would stop with his punishment. But the way Kitty glared at him from second period on told him his hopes were in vain. 

She caught up to him as he was walking home from school, and flung a handful of clippings at him. "Kurt, you jerk! How could you embarrass me like this?" 

"Was?" he exclaimed, startled, and glanced at the pictures blowing among the autumn leaves. With a sinking feeling, he realized they were of scantily-clad, Baywatch-type women. "Kitty-" 

"Of course, just my luck, the star quarterback stopped by my locker to talk today - perfect timing to see your lovely redecorations! Thanks a million!" 

He watched dumbly as she stormed away. What could he possibly say to make her believe him? 

  


He thought things had hit a new low, but they got even worse when, later that afternoon, Jean stepped between Kurt and the television to dump a handful of confetti in his lap. "Hey! Vhat is this?" 

"What was it, you mean," came the furious reply. "You should learn to recognize an art project when you see one, Kurt. You can be a real ass sometimes, you know that?" 

A glaring Scott and Rahne vacated the room with her, leaving Kurt alone with his miserable thoughts. _Mein Gott, please let this be over._

It wasn't over, of course. Kurt was just opening up his bed to go to sleep when the door to his room was flung open. "Zum Teufel! Rahne! Was ist los? Ach, I mean, vhat's wrong?" 

The Scots girl's face was as red as her hair. Half-weeping with rage, she threw her bathrobe at Kurt. "How could ye dae it, Kurt? A thought ye were my friend! But this - oh, A'll never f'rgive ye, ye guid-f'r-nothin', hairy, stupid, muckle-" 

She whirled as Evan and Scott stepped into the room. Both of them were blushing too. "Rahne - we-" 

"Saint Andrew!" she wailed, and fled past them. 

"Darn it, Kurt, why Rahne?" demanded Scott. "You're her best friend, you know how that must've hurt her. A simple joke is one thing, but you've crossed the line." 

He and Evan turned and walked out without another word. Kurt picked up the bathrobe and examined it. A large hole had been cut out of a strategic portion of the robe's backside. 

With a deep sigh, he crawled into bed. Now everyone hated him - even Rahne and Kitty, his best friend and the person he wanted to be his best girl. And the worst part was, they had no reason to _stop_ hating him. 

Suddenly another unpleasant thought struck him. Everyone else in the mansion had been hit by the prankster, with pranks increasingly worse. Kurt was the only one left - so far - unscathed. 

With a shudder, he pulled the blankets to his chin. It was going to be a long night … 

  


Kurt stumped downstairs early the next morning, feeling rather cranky. He had not slept a wink all night, as the dark hollows under his eyes could attest. 

He found all the rest of the team already assembled at the table. Silently he slipped into his seat, examining the others from the corners of his eyes. 

The professor, sporting a dark fedora, had finished his breakfast and was now staring contemplatively into space, hands steepled before him. Ororo, on his left, with her hair hidden by a black headcloth, was delicately scooping up the last few spoonfuls of porridge in her bowl. Logan, on the professor's other side, was methodically spearing sausages and putting them directly from the platter onto his claws and into his mouth. 

Scott was examining his history text over his pancake stack, with Jean beside him pointing out important facts between bites of toast. Evan was playing Tic-Tac-Toe with Rogue using various pieces of the breakfast cereals they were eating. 

Kitty and Rahne were both staring at the omelets on their plates, but while Kitty was at least nibbling, Rahne was only scooting the food around her dish. 

Kurt reached for a tray of hash browns and began spooning them onto his plate as quietly as possible. _Best not to attract attention, ja?_

Suddenly his head snapped up. Had someone just giggled? Kitty, shaking with suppressed mirth, was looking across the table at Rahne, whose lip was trembling. Kurt's face crashed into a frown; how could she laugh at poor Rahne's embarrassment? He opened his mouth to say something- 

-but then- 

-Rahne was laughing too?! 

In a matter of seconds, the entire table, except Kurt, was roaring with laughter. He looked around helplessly. "Was? I do not understand. Vhat is funny?" 

Kitty wiped away a tear. "God, fuzzy-elf, you look awful!" 

"Vhat?! Will somebody please explain vhat is happening?" 

Rogue leaned forward. "Kurt," she drawled sweetly, "who d'yah think is the greatest practical joker of all time?" 

"Vell, you all seem to think it is me," he said sullenly. 

"Wrong!" Scott jabbed him in the shoulder. 

"Was?" 

"Let us explain," Rogue continued. "Did you taste my toothpaste?" 

"Look at my clogged crapper?" growled Logan. 

"Or my shampoo?" queried Ororo, pulling off her headcloth to reveal a gleaming white mane. 

"Watch me fall?" asked Evan. 

"Taste my dinner?" suggested Scott. 

"Try to scrub my head?" Xavier doffed his cap to display his unmarked scalp. 

"Visit my locker?" smirked Kitty. 

"Examine the remains of my project?" demanded Jean. 

"Or see my fanny?" Rahne grinned at him. "Nae, Kurt, ye're nae the greatest joker." 

"I hasten to agree," Xavier added. "That title would seem to belong to Kitty and Rahne." 

"When they explained their little plot," continued Ororo, "we were only too glad to help." 

"Kind of hoped we might break yer little prankin' habit," grunted Logan. "Like housebreaking. Did it work?" 

Kurt shook his head. "I must say - I am impressed. You two certainly put a good one over on me." Kitty and Rahne grinned wickedly at him. "But, vell, you had a master to learn from, didn't you?" 

The rest of the table groaned and began pelting him with various kinds of breakfast food. Some things would never change …


End file.
